1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
