I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
