margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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