dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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