I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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