Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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