Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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