the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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