brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
