season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
