all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
