I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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