she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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