my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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