dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize