then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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