I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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