Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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