If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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