if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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