it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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