dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
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