sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
