bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
