yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
