Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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