hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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