so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
