Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
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