Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
