I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
