we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
