I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
