the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize