I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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