Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
