I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
