if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Randomize
