What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
