if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
