I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
