i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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