I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize