The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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