My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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