Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
my liver is dry heaving
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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