I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
