____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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