the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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