ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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