now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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