we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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