toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
