We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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