i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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