yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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