I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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