just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
