if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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