is your mom at the bar?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
