Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
