Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
