I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
