I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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