I'm gonna have a badass scar
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
