Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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