Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
