he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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