vagina is talking i cant
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
