This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
