Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
