I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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