I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
