Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
