We won't sleep together?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
