he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
