i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
