Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
