I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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