My room smells like vodka and shame
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
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