Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
