My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
