Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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