I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
