you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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