We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
