I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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