I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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