My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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