Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
