I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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