Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
