Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
