Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
