nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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