Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
