Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
