I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
so let's talk penis.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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