Will you blow on my dice?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
